35_Wintersmith by Terry Pratchett

Author:Terry Pratchett
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: HarperCollins e-books
Published: 2006-09-25T23:00:00+00:00

Most of the Feegles had camped out in Nanny Ogg’s barn, where they were holding a council of war, except that it was about something that isn’t quite the same thing.

“What we’ve got here,” Rob Anybody pronounced, “is a case o’ Romance.”

“What’s that, Rob?” asked a Feegle.

“Aye, is it like how wee babbies are made?” asked Daft Wullie. “Ye told about that last year. It wuz verra interestin’, although a bit far-fetched tae my mind.”

“No’ exactly,” said Rob Anybody. “An’ it’s kinda hard tae describe. But I reckon yon Wintersmith wants to romance the big wee hag and she disna ken what tae do aboot it.”

“So it is like how babbies are made?” said Daft Wullie.

“No, ’cuz even beasties know that but only people know aboot Romancin’,” said Rob. “When a bull coo meets a lady coo, he disna have tae say, ‘My heart goes bang-bang-bang when I see your wee face,’ ’cuz it’s kinda built intae their heads. People have it more difficult. Romancin’ is verra important, ye ken. Basically it’s a way the boy can get close to the girl wi’oot her attackin’ him and scratchin’ his eyes oot.”

“I dinna see how we can teach her any o’ that stuff,” said Slightly Mad Angus.

“The big wee hag reads books,” said Rob Anybody. “When she sees a book she just canna help herself. An’ I,” he added proudly, “have a Plan.”

The Feegles relaxed. They always felt happier when Rob had a Plan, especially since most plans of his boiled down to screaming and rushing at something.

“Tell us aboot the Plan, Rob,” said Big Yan.

“Ah’m glad ye asked me,” said Rob. “The Plan is: We’ll find her a book aboot Romancin’.”

“An’ how will we find this book, Rob?” asked Billy Bigchin uncertainly. He was a loyal gonnagle, but he was also bright enough to get nervous whenever Rob Anybody had a Plan.

Rob Anybody airily waved a hand. “Ach,” he said, “we ken this trick! A’ we need is a big hat an’ coat an’ a coat hanger an’ a broom handle!”

“Oh aye?” said Big Yan. “Well, I’m not bein’ doon in the knee again!”

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